whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
