And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
