When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
