last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize