i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everyone says I win the strip club
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
