So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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