do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
