remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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