he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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