You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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