i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
