My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
