I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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