let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
