i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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