I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
