I skipped work to stalk him.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she told me i tasted like america
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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