Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need to sanitize my soul.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
