this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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