How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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