Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
