The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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