he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
