i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I deserve this hangover.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
