No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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