i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
