My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
