i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
