im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he fucked my hip out of place.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
