I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
