New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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