: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
