Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
