Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
