so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
