At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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