Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
