Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
