i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
