what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
