I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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