OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize