matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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