Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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