Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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