I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
