girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
