i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
