Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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