We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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