guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
