dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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