seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
