you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
