we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
