saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
