He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
