I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
