Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
