I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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