areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
