it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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