"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
