I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
