you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
