How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
