Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this just has baby written all over it
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
