I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
