Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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